Why I Hope My Kids Notice Me Fail

This blog has been a place for me to share life & work with y’all, & I think that the two have intersected sooooo much in the past few months. As always, I’m going to be real honest with y’all… it is so so so hard to be re-building my photography business in Houston, building my LipSense business, trying to keep the house semi-clean, re-learning to cook now that Max is commuting (I’ve been SPOILED y’all!), and being a mommy to these two.

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Again, in all honesty, I haven’t always handled it as gracefully as I would hope. I’m still trying to figure out a balance to all of this, and I’m not sure that good balance is ever something that is found. I think it’s something that is continually in flux, something that must be continually worked on & nurtured.

I know they are going to see me fail – a lot. And sometimes that means I’m not the best mommy I can be, or even the decent mommy I should be. While I know those mommy-fail moments (or the business-fail moments, or the personal-fail moments) aren’t ideal,ย I hope that someday, they can look back and see how hard their parents worked. That we really worked at our education, at business, at faith, at parenting, at marriage, at self-care & at life. That the hard work is worth it, even if that means failing sometimes. I hope they learn from us that the hard work is needed even more after a fall, and that it does bring a return.

Because if these two can grow up to be the kind of women who keep working hard at the things that matter & giving themselves a little grace in the process – even when the failing makes them want to quit – then I’ve helped teach them a lesson that will serve them their whole lives. If they can work hard for the things that matter to them, for the things that in their hearts they know are right, they will be successful no matter how it looks from the outside. And I hope they can look back at growing up with me & know that they learned that being a human – an imperfect human – is more than just ok.

This Is What I Have For You

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Y’all know I love me some Chip & Joanna Gaines (like most people). I’m currently reading The Magnolia Story as part of my Yearly Bucket List for this year, and while I think the woman is an incredible designer, I’m am the most in awe of her wisdom & her faith.

I’ll admit, I tend to have a hard time with the listening part of prayer. Maybe it’s my perfectionism or my stubbornness, I don’t know, but there’s just something that I struggle with when it comes time to just be still & listen to what He is speaking over my life.

But I keep trying. I keep working hard for the things I think He’s led me to, and I try to continue to listen for the whispers of His heart. And I think the trying (even if it feels like just one more thing I’ve failed at) is probably one of the things He has for me. The learning through the process, and growing into a deeper form of prayer.

So let’s just encourage one another to try to let go of the lies, the expectations (the ones we have of ourselves & those we think others have of us), and the pressure, and just let Him guide us to walk in the truth.

Stillness

For a lot of us, stillness isn’t an option. We are constantly running from one thing to the next, and hardly have time to just be still.

I think that’s true, but I also think it’s a lie too.

I think stillness is uncomfortable for us. Scary even. It’s not easy to just be still with yourself, because then you don’t have the hustle in the way to block outย your thoughts.

We fill our lives with so many things: volunteering, to-do lists, meetings, lunch or dinner or coffee dates.

And in the moments we have to be still, to be quiet, to really notice what is going on around us, we instantly and reflexively reach for our phones. We fill the quiet with tweets, snaps, posts & photos. Because it’s easier to check out than to check in to what’s going on with us & what’s happening around us.

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When is the last time you actually sat in the sun & just felt its warmth on your skin, noticing it there is a breeze, or if the birds are singing, or if there’s the smell of fresh cut grass or sea-salted air. When is the last time you walked down the street & actually noticed the other people walking by you.

I am guilty of this too – the filling of every second of my day. And I am going to try my best to carve out time to be still.

Keeping the radio off in the car periodically.

Keeping my phone off or in another room or deep in my purse.

Keeping at least 3 minutes of my day purposefully empty to slow down & be still.

I’m going to try to be more comfortable with letting the thoughts from down deep actually surface and then challenging myself to recognize & respond to them. Because maybe, just maybe, there’s a gem buried somewhere in that endless pile of busy & hustle. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to let it out into the sunlight.