Why I Hope My Kids Notice Me Fail

This blog has been a place for me to share life & work with y’all, & I think that the two have intersected sooooo much in the past few months. As always, I’m going to be real honest with y’all… it is so so so hard to be re-building my photography business in Houston, building my LipSense business, trying to keep the house semi-clean, re-learning to cook now that Max is commuting (I’ve been SPOILED y’all!), and being a mommy to these two.


Again, in all honesty, I haven’t always handled it as gracefully as I would hope. I’m still trying to figure out a balance to all of this, and I’m not sure that good balance is ever something that is found. I think it’s something that is continually in flux, something that must be continually worked on & nurtured.

I know they are going to see me fail – a lot. And sometimes that means I’m not the best mommy I can be, or even the decent mommy I should be. While I know those mommy-fail moments (or the business-fail moments, or the personal-fail moments) aren’t ideal, I hope that someday, they can look back and see how hard their parents worked. That we really worked at our education, at business, at faith, at parenting, at marriage, at self-care & at life. That the hard work is worth it, even if that means failing sometimes. I hope they learn from us that the hard work is needed even more after a fall, and that it does bring a return.

Because if these two can grow up to be the kind of women who keep working hard at the things that matter & giving themselves a little grace in the process – even when the failing makes them want to quit – then I’ve helped teach them a lesson that will serve them their whole lives. If they can work hard for the things that matter to them, for the things that in their hearts they know are right, they will be successful no matter how it looks from the outside. And I hope they can look back at growing up with me & know that they learned that being a human – an imperfect human – is more than just ok.

Wonder Woman

I have to believe that I’m not the only one who feels this way, so I’m putting it out there……. Trying to live a perfect life is exhausting.

I once read in a magazine something along these lines:

“Only Wonder Woman can do it all, all at once. And Wonder Woman isn’t real.”

I appreciated that statement at the time, and obviously it stuck with me, but it has never seemed to matter as much as it has recently. It is amazing how women tend to make themselves feel like not only do we need to do it all, we have to do it all at the same time. And the kicker is, we feel like we have to do it well. Even better than that, we have to be great at all of it.

Wonder Woman

Via Pinterest

It is absolutely completely utterly exhausting to try to be the poster child when it comes to being an employee, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a follower of Christ, a friend, an entrepreneur, a sister, a party planner, a chef, a pet owner, etc. And on top of that, we’re supposed to be able to take time for ourselves to stay in shape, relieve stress, recharge, and continue growing as a person.

All of the images of perfection – whether on Facebook, Pinterest (especially), or blogs – can lead a girl to a meltdown. Or to a big glass of wine.


It is important to remember though that maybe the person planned that amazing party for their child’s first birthday isn’t working two jobs. Maybe the blogger with the pristine house and straight-out-of-a-magazine décor can’t cook Ramen noodles without something catching on fire. And maybe the person who seems like they really can cook, organize, decorate, plan, and live perfectly… maybe they are just really good at smoke and mirrors.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to be it all, and to be it all to everyone. We can’t always be able to fulfill all the roles we play while simultaneously making sure to please everyone else. Let’s try to work on cutting each other some slack, ok? Let’s be each other’s champions. Let’s celebrate the little victories, and remind each other that the failures we think we’ve had, that ball we think we’ve dropped, the standard we didn’t meet – it’s ok. Because we’re trying. We were there for someone when they needed a friend, so the dishes can wait. We were out working our butts off so that we can pay the bills, and that’s setting a good example for our children in regard to work ethic.


Because the truth is, no one is perfect and we can’t be Wonder Woman. Maybe for Halloween – but only if the costume is completely homemade.

A Mommyhood Struggle

Of all the things I’ve struggled with in my brief experience in mommyhood, being away from Peanut is one of the hardest.

This past weekend, I was at a conference for work. It was only two hours away, but that was far enough. This was only the second time I’ve left Peanut for any extended amount of time (both times for work conferences), and I was so anxious to get back home to that little girl and her daddy! The photos & videos on my phone, and even facetime just aren’t enough – even when they are as cute as these from the morning I left:


Now don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy the conference I attended – it is the association that I’ve been involved with since my sophomore year in college, and I got to see colleagues who are great people and friends. It is wonderful to get to “recharge” and get new ideas for our program. It is wonderful to see my students present an awesome educational session to a packed house. It is wonderful to connect with new people in my field.

And yes, if I’m being honest, it’s also wonderful to get a short break from diaper changes.

But it’s hard. It’s hard to not hear Peanut’s sweet voice babbling from across the room. It’s hard to not hear her squeals/screams of delight mixed with the sound of crinkly toy elephant ears. It’s hard to not see those two little teeth as she flashes a big grin at me. It’s hard to not feel those itty bitty fingers gripping my finger. It’s hard to not feel those chunky little arms around my neck. It’s hardest to not get to be there for the sweetest of moments at the end of her day as she goes to sleep.

And on top of that, I’ve realized that as hard as it is being away from her on trips like these, it’s almost harder to go back to work on Monday.

Getting those couple hours on Sunday after I got back was great. (I was so nervous that she would be napping when I got home, and I’d have to wait even longer to get to squeeze her — luckily though, she was still up so I got to snuggle her before she went down for her nap.) Those few hours though just seem like a tease when the next morning it’s the early morning alarm and the hour drive to drop her off again. It’s another 10 hours apart.

All this week I haven’t gotten much sleep (hence Tuesday’s post) because I keep pushing things off until after she goes to bed because I don’t want to miss a minute with her. Last night I was planning on running when I got home, before the husband got back from picking up Peanut. I was pleasantly surprised to get home to see the two of them in the living room, and my husband told me to go ahead and go run before we got Peanut ready for bed. I just couldn’t do it. I was there on the floor with her and I just couldn’t trade in those baby toys for my running shoes, knowing I’d miss out on more time. So I ended up running in the dark later at night after she was asleep because I just couldn’t bring myself to voluntarily miss another 20-25 minutes with Peanut.

I know someday it will get easier. And I know even if it doesn’t get easier, I’m going to have to live with it because someday she’ll head off to college. And someday she’ll be out living her own life and I won’t have the option to just simply give up some sleep to be there with her. But I’m not going to think about that just yet… I’ll just acknowledge the hard parts of being away for short periods of time, and relish in the moments I do get to spend with her.

For now, I’m going to stay a little tired and keep my heart full of moments with my little girl.