Why I Hope My Kids Notice Me Fail

This blog has been a place for me to share life & work with y’all, & I think that the two have intersected sooooo much in the past few months. As always, I’m going to be real honest with y’all… it is so so so hard to be re-building my photography business in Houston, building my LipSense business, trying to keep the house semi-clean, re-learning to cook now that Max is commuting (I’ve been SPOILED y’all!), and being a mommy to these two.

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Again, in all honesty, I haven’t always handled it as gracefully as I would hope. I’m still trying to figure out a balance to all of this, and I’m not sure that good balance is ever something that is found. I think it’s something that is continually in flux, something that must be continually worked on & nurtured.

I know they are going to see me fail – a lot. And sometimes that means I’m not the best mommy I can be, or even the decent mommy I should be. While I know those mommy-fail moments (or the business-fail moments, or the personal-fail moments) aren’t ideal,Β I hope that someday, they can look back and see how hard their parents worked. That we really worked at our education, at business, at faith, at parenting, at marriage, at self-care & at life. That the hard work is worth it, even if that means failing sometimes. I hope they learn from us that the hard work is needed even more after a fall, and that it does bring a return.

Because if these two can grow up to be the kind of women who keep working hard at the things that matter & giving themselves a little grace in the process – even when the failing makes them want to quit – then I’ve helped teach them a lesson that will serve them their whole lives. If they can work hard for the things that matter to them, for the things that in their hearts they know are right, they will be successful no matter how it looks from the outside. And I hope they can look back at growing up with me & know that they learned that being a human – an imperfect human – is more than just ok.

The Minor Major Battles

Lately we have been in a season with Peanut where it seems that almost every simple, little task turns into a drawn-out battle.

Eating breakfast, getting dressed, getting in the car, cleaning up, going to the bathroom, eating dinner, feeding the dogs, getting in PJs, going to bed… and on and on.

These seemingly simple things are now something to be fought in marathon fashion.

It drives me absolutely crazy, and I try to pick my battles, but when the battles include the necessary steps for 1. staying alive, & 2. going to school everyday, there’s not a whole lot of choice in the matter. It seriously seems like the only thing she agrees to & picks up the pace for is to get to the couch to watch Doc McStuffins…

 

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I’ve been trying to get some perspective on this (’cause if I can’t get it to stop, I might as well get something positive out of it), and I realized that I’m probably a lot like that with God’s necessary steps too. I’m sure I take waaaaaaay longer than needed to follow his plan. I’m sure I seem to question His wisdom & fight His intentions. In short, I probably act like a small child with a semi-attitude issue.

But the good thing is that He is infinitely more patient than I am. He is infinitely more loving than I am. And He extends infinitely more grace than I give to Peanut (or myself).

 

So if you’re a parent who has some crazy-life hacks for this mama of two strong willed girls – LET. ME. KNOW. Teach me your ways!!! And if you’re just a mama who’s in the thick of it too – I’d love to hear from you! And if you’re just a kind soul who wants to send up a prayer that I can grow to be ever more like God, especially as a parent, I’d cherish the prayers – and you.

Dear Pumpkin – 11 months

Sweet girl,
You are 11 months old, and I can’t believe it! You’re already growing up too fast for my liking, but I am so thankful to get to watch it happen.

You are walking around like crazy, and like to try to run away when someone comes after you on your way to something you’re not supposed to have. You give a little scream & pick up the pace with a huge grin on your face!

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

You have four teeth now, with the cutest little gap in between the top two. You’ve been such a trooper with those teeth moving in!!

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"pumpkin11months-25_web

You’re a curious little thing and love to sit inside a small plastic bin to play. You’re starting to make animal noises when asked, and right now you make a monkey noise & a tiger – which usually comes out as a whispered roar. So cute!!! (And a welcome change of pitch/volume from the screaming you still do allllll the time!) You’ve also started to give real hugs and it just melts me. Especially when you reach over to hug your sister. After all the love, hugs & kisses Peanut has given you (sometimes a little too much), it makes my heart swell to watch you start hugging her too.

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

You like to be on the move, so photos are getting to be more and more of a workout for me!

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

You had been doing really well with using the baby hand language sign for “more” until recently – then you made the switch back to just screaming. I’m praying the little hand sign makes its return soon!

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

You like to point at things, and are starting to be able to point out people when we ask you where they are. You love to dance, and like to play outside. You love to eat avocados & sliced chicken (deli meat style). You also love to drag around blankets, towels, fabric – anything like that. And Little One, you walking around with a blanket trailing behind you makes me think of Linus from the Peanuts cartoon, and I can only hope you have a faith like his!

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"pumpkin11months-27_webHouston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

Your Oma had to help me wrangle you during this shoot (you can see her hand on the bottom right), and my goodness, Little One, you sure do love her! (And so do I!)

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

I just love this one…. the little wisp of hair behind your ear & your little hands on that poor sticker that never had a chance. For some reason this just seems so fitting for this stage you’re in, sweet girl.

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

(Bows & headbands also don’t stand a chance these days…. but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try for photos!)

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

Pumpkin, you challenge me everyday, and while sometimes it leaves me tired, it also leaves me so so so thankful. Feeling you wrap your arms around my neck reminds me that the struggles are worth it, and that I want to do everything I can to be the very best mama for you.

Houston photographer letter to her 11 month old daughter, "Pumpkin"

I love you to the moon & back, sweet girl!!