Last night the little one went to bed feverish. She had been giving lots of snuggles and laying on our chests (which pretty much NEVER happens anymore) in the late afternoon, and by the time bedtime rolled around and I picked her up she felt way too warm. A quick temperature check confirmed the fever.
She woke up fine, but throughout the night there were lots of tosses and turns. Lots of moans, whines, and cries as she tried to settle in to sleep. Lots more noises throughout the night as she tried to stay asleep. At midnight we had a full blown wake up and cry, paired with another dose of meds, and more snuggles.
Like I said, she woke up fine, but I didn’t sleep. My mother’s ears were focused on every little squeak coming through that monitor. As a mother, I wanted to be sure I was there at the first sign of her needing me. To be sure my arms were there to scoop her up the instant things took a turn for the worse. To softly sing her songs, to gently rock her back and forth, to whisper Hail Mary after Hail Mary to her as the repetition of those prayed words calmed me as much as they calmed her.
As I lay there on alert in the early morning hours knowing I should sleep, but unable to drift off as I listened to the hum of the air conditioner whispering through the monitor on my night stand, I thought of God.
How he never sleeps. How he is always on alert for us, and while it seems like he is there for us split seconds after we cry out for him, really, he’s been right there with us all along. He’s there to carry us through the rough nights, and to smile with us on the bright and happy mornings. He’s the parent I can only strive to be. The constant calming and caring presence. Always on alert and ready to assist, but willing to stand in support as we figure it out on our own.
To any other sleepy mamas (or daddies) out there… grab a second (or third) cup of coffee and embrace that exhaustion – it’s a very present reminder of your love for your little one(s), and of His love for you.